Over the years one of the most common frustrations that our brides have, is listening to the opinions of her bridal party. When planning a wedding, almost everyone feels they have a right to throw in their two cents (even when they aren’t literally throwing in any cents) and most think they are being “helpful”. Message to those people: you’re not being helpful and you’re probably stressing the bride out. Stand aside, smile, and read on. Oh, and if you’re that bride that doesn’t want to hurt the feelings of others, and thus brings 97 people with her to the dress shop, this blog is also dedicated to you.
Recently, I have heard more and more complaints from brides (and even some of their grooms) about how their sister, mother, BFF, and every person wearing a dress in their party, is driving them nuts. They know this going into the planning process, and yet, they bring all of these people with them to 2 appointments: their wedding gown search and their bridesmaid gown search. Leave these people at home.
First and foremost, the dress shops hate entourages. You know why? They slow down the appointment, they take attention away from you, and they typically result in the bride leaving sans dress plus tears. I’m not saying that you need to dismiss what your loved ones think you should wear down the aisle, but I caution you that everyone (except for your planner….hi) has an ulterior motive. It could be as basic as your sister doesn’t like that you always look hotter/thinner/sexier/younger/better than her in everything, and now a white gown will really emphasize that. Yes, that’s right, jealousy plays a big part in dress selection and do not tell me otherwise. When shopping for your gown, keep your group small (under 3 people) and make sure they are people that know when to say something and when to shut up. If you say that you love the dress and they don’t say that they love it too, you need them to exit stage left because that negativity will follow you for the rest of the planning process. Hear that bridesmaids? She loves it, then you love it. So easy.
Let’s say though, that you’re that bride that has the bestest friends ever in the whole wide world that only ever want the bestest for you. Do not bring all 19 of them with you to the appointment because as much as they might love you, unless they are stepford wives with the completely same wardrobe, they will never agree on *the* dress for you. What good does it do you to hear all of those different opinions? You know which opinion matters? Yours.
Of course, when picking out the bridal party wardrobe, it used to be that the bride would select a gown and then her maids would go get measured and that would be it. There’s was no input and guess what…they still had to pay for the dress! When you accept to be in a bridal party you are accepting the price tag and obligations that go along with it. Note: that does not give the bride the right to nothing but $500 unflattering gown choices.
Now, however, brides are bringing their entire bridal party with them to try on dresses. This makes sense if you have all different body types and want to see what looks best on everyone. However, I will warn you about that friend that hates everything, and that friend that hates everything *except* the one dress that everyone else hates. You must be prepared to draw the line. Solution? Select a few dresses on your own or with your maid of honor by your side. Come back to the salon with only those dresses available to try on. Do not allow your maids to ransack the racks looking for something else. This is not only bad form and the store will be rightfully upset, but it’s unnecessary.
With being a bride comes making decisions and standing firm. It’s polite to listen to what others have to say, but you will always have to know when to put them on mute. If you don’t, your planning process will be painful and you’ll be showing future brides this blog after you’re married.
And for the bridesmaids that are reading this: it’s not your wedding. When you have your day, then fine. If you had your day already, then you should understand. But it’s her day, and unless she looks like she could have her own episode on Bridezillas, then you need to show support and love….and smile like you mean it.