It’s something many engaged couples don’t have to think about: how to plan a wedding without mom. But for those couples without a mom in the picture, the wedding planning experience will be very different. There are moments that some couples will never get to have, both when planning their wedding and on the wedding day, when mom is missing.
While there are probably thousands of blogs going up this weekend for Mother’s Day to honor a mom’s role in the wedding planning process, this isn’t going to be one of them. I’m not going to give a “Top 10” list of mother of the groom dance songs, or great gift ideas, or anything like that. Because, as a wedding planner, I have seen just how powerful the absence of a mother is for my brides and grooms. So this blog, is for them.
Before I write a blog, I create a new folder with pictures I want to include. For obvious reasons, I wanted to select wedding day photos that included either the mother of the bride or the mother of the groom.
I was shocked how few I was able to pull.
Don’t get me wrong, I work with a lot of engaged couples that have wonderful parents and great relationships with them. I just didn’t realize how many of my couples weren’t that lucky. So, if you are planning your wedding without your mom, believe me, you are not alone. Far from it.
When I say “without” mom, that doesn’t necessarily mean deceased either. Of course it can mean that, but I’ve see moms be just as absent from wedding planning while being alive. The struggles are very different, in that a bride who lost her mother to death, doesn’t even get a chance to wedding plan with her. Many brides will feel robbed of the moments like finding the gown and having it zipped up on the actual wedding day. There are countless times when a bride or groom who lost their mom to death will be overwhelmed with feelings; feelings that can easily impact the entire wedding planning process.
Then there are the brides and grooms who have difficult relationships with their moms and struggle to plan anything with her. These brides and grooms have the one person that many others wish they still have. Yet that person could be checked out of the the wedding planning or so consistently negative, that it almost would be easier if she was completely missing in action instead.
And then there’s everything in between. Whatever your relationship status is with mom, a wedding will magnify it.
Being that I plan with most of my couples for at least a full year, I get to know them pretty well. This means I find out about all the family drama, and I learn a lot about the parental dynamic on both the bride and the groom’s side. There are many planners that probably don’t get as personally invested as I do, but seeing as how two people I just met are now trusting me with a pretty important day, I like to have a solid relationship with them. Plus, knowing things like whether or not mom is in the picture, helps me to better understand my couple as it greatly impacts the planning process.
The Present But Absent Mom
I once worked with a bride who called me on a Friday afternoon and said the following:
“Can I just vent to you for a few minutes? My mom is killing me.”